...why the hell are there so many goddamn people here all of a sudden?

[The feed clicks on, showing the remains of a destroyed building in a sad lonely pile still spewing dust clouds. Some pieces, if you look, seem to be charred. A harsh sigh comes from whoever is filming, and the PCD turns, showing the man behind the camera is, in fact, Church. You can see Juke's house in the background.

Even through the helmet, he looks kind of unhappy. Read: PISSED OFF.]

Y'know Juke, there's no nice way to put this--

But? You're a fucking douchebag.

[He shakes his head, pointing the PCD back to the building]

Hey, hey--see this? Juke sent out a fucking robot turtle to blow up my house...thing. I don't really think it's a house, more like just a piece of shit I sleep in. Like a base, but y'know, with less annoying fuckers actually inside my house.

My point is, Juke is a cockbite, aaaand I'm gonna go kick his ass now.

...I'm just happy I hit his windows in the FIRST place.

[The feed cuts off]

[A bullet bounces off the PCD, kicking it on as it spins to the ground. He's shooting out the window, cursing on occasions--then, a bullet skids by his shoulder and hits the wall. He curses, before perching himself on the windowsill--with a sigh, he points his sniper rifle out the window...

And a robot smacks Church square in the face, causing a sickening crack, and the cobalt Spartan to topple over onto the ground. His sniper rifle falls from his hands as he falls back, rolling out the window.

And the robot rolls to the screen--wait, is that Butlerbot?]

SON OF A BITCH!!

[He stirs, sitting up and holding his face, cursing as he reaches for air. The feed cuts off.]

...

Seriously? Next time this thing starts chanting weird shit at me, I'm throwing it out the fucking window.

Oh, motherfucker.


...


[A long, heavy and almost artificial sigh]


Yeah, like I could expect one goddamn moment of peace. I finally get a base, to myself, without any of those dumbasses around me, and what happens? I look like I'm stuck in a fucking dump. And it's goddamn cold. I'm not in Sidewinder, it actually HAS snow, so why is it so fucking cold?

Whoever put me here, GET ME OUT OF HERE!! This isn't funny, you know!! I've got a gun! Two! But the aim sucks on them for some reason! I'll blast your goddamn head off!!

Don't tell me Caboose found me and dragged me here. I'll fucking kill him.